Body and Mind Transformation

A Perspective: Weight Loss Journey

People who’ve only known me in recent years are often surprised to find out I have gone through my own weight journey. When I share I have lost 100 pounds (give or take), it’s met with disbelief until I show them the picture. There is one specific photo I always pull up, though not even showing me at my heaviest it seems to have the most profound impact on the physical difference.

Being a trainer now, while I don’t look like the average sculpted trainer you may think of, I guess people assume fitness has always been natural for me. For most people you see, their physical health is the result of a lot of hard work, sweat and failure.

Normalize the Entire Journey

When sharing a journey of weight loss, we tend to focus on the few years that decisions to change our life actually worked, but it’s rarely that simple. I had been overweight my entire life, but it took nearly 30 years for me to even begin scratching the surface of true health and what it means. Beyond diet and exercise, many factors impact weight and the ability to live a full, healthy life: body, mind and soul. The older I get, the more I learn and the easier it is to look back at my 35 years and acknowledge things that had strong detrimental impacts on my physical, mental and emotional health, both small and large.

It wasn’t until my mid 20s that I started to understand just how depressed I had been over the course of my life, but never acknowledged or diagnosed. This was also when I was at my heaviest. Not sure how heavy, but at least 260lbs, but probably more. I then received bloodwork from my doctor telling me that my body was in bad shape. Up until that point I had been a healthy overweight person, but now I was clearly unhealthy with high blood sugar, high cholesterol and constantly sick.

I made some changes and lost 50lbs easily, but of course gained some back. Then lost it again, and gained some back. We all know the cycle. At 29 I found a strict diet and exercise regimen that worked for me at the time, dropping the most weight and finally reaching “onederland” (under 200lbs). I continued losing on my own and for the first time in my life reached a maintenance stage, where I was able to maintain the weight loss long term. However, as I continue to struggle against gaining weight back, what I have learned is that this journey is for a lifetime and overcoming the barriers to health will be a constant task…but not unachievable.

Hurdles Up Ahead

We tend to have this idea in our heads that once we drop the pounds, everything will fall into place. That’s when we’ll do more, be more, achieve more. Losing weight is great, but life sticks around. My 30s have taught me that mental and emotional health are by far the biggest factors in my journey with weight. You can’t change your physical state without changing your mental state. These are some of the hurdles I’ve had to navigate.

Body Dysmorphia. Losing weight is hard, but even harder sometimes is actually accepting the weight loss…and yourself. Body dysmorphia is an incredibly debilitating problem. It’s hard to not see yourself as the heavier version you’ve always known. I once watched a short video of the group workout I was participating in where my back was to the camera, and I didn’t recognize myself. I asked someone out loud who it was because I was the only one in the video I didn’t recognize. In that moment I didn’t know what I actually looked like.

Unusual Public Acceptance. All of a sudden, I felt treated differently. Truly. Whether physical appearance or increased confidence, people seemed to interact with me differently after I lost weight. Strangers were generally more pleasant and open with me. I’ll never forget the time I was shopping a shelf of Quest bars trying to decide on flavors to buy when out of nowhere the man standing eight feet away, looking at something completely different, suggested flavors to me. I literally did a 360 degree look around me to figure out who he was talking to. There was no one else there. That had never happened before.

Romantic Attractions and Insecurities. It took me a while to understand that men found me attractive. Mainly because I was a bitter person who looked at someone and thought, “If you knew me then you wouldn’t like me so shame on you for being so superficial.” Yes, obviously I had to get over myself, and hopefully not everybody is as cynical as me… but the fact is a lot of people want to hide who they were. For a while, I did. When I got past the bitterness, I then had to get over the shame. I thought if someone knew about my history with weight then they wouldn’t want to be with me for fear that I would one day gain it all back. I now understand that men find me attractive, but I still struggle to accept it sometimes, especially when it’s mutual.

Battling Mental Health and Happiness. I learned quickly that being thinner didn’t mean I was happier. This is where we struggle against gaining weight back, because it’s easier to hide behind that person than it is to face the real issues. It’s a constant battle to overcome negative thought patterns and not turn to self-destructive behaviors. Maintaining weight loss requires a strong support network and continual self-reflection. Learning how to manage stress and life challenges and truly accept yourself while continuing your journey is not easy.

Find Your Support System

It’s so hard to be comfortable in your own skin and love yourself no matter what, but it’s also the most rewarding when you can start to have those moments of true acceptance and solace in it. The journey is for a lifetime, with side paths down physical, mental and emotional maintenance.

The main thing that has helped me over the years is surrounding myself with people who show me how to love myself by exhibiting the love they have for me and others. But it’s important to find the right people; I’ve done a fair share of weeding people out of my life over the years who contributed to my negative emotions and behaviors.

My eclectic group of friends today is my lifeline. They are each unique with a different story and journey. But they are all genuine, caring and loving individuals who support me even in my darkest moments. They make me a stronger version of myself.

What does your journey look like?