Listen To Me, I’m A Self-Care Expert

Just kidding…. I won’t even pretend I’m an expert in self care. In fact, I’m the exact oppposite.

Here’s what I’m an expert in:

• Intense anxiety.

• Crippling self doubt.

• Stress-induced insomnia.

• Obviously, imposter syndrome. (Amiright?)

• Laying on my couch staring at my ceiling because my brain is a frozen ball of overwhelmed mush and I have no ability to do, think, or literally move at all.

SIDENOTE: As a single, childless woman I’m endlessly impressed by EVERY mother that exists. There are days when I can’t function or process anything in my life, so taking care of even one other human being is a feat I cannot begin to imagine.

How Did We Get Here?

Is it the pressure to succeed? Desire to meet impractical societal expectations? Constantly comparing who we are to the person next to us and telling ourselves we don’t live up to a standard that we preposterously manifested in our own minds.

The last one wasn’t a question.

I was riding a high recently. I had been working hard to remain positive and was actively engaged in protecting myself against negative thought patterns and behaviors. Things were going well. I was consistently productive, my work picked up, I stayed on top of things, I felt more confident, and I started feeling great about future opportunities I was building entirely by myself, for myself.

In one day, I dropped back down to reality… A few things came up that frustrated and annoyed me. Then I questioned myself and decisions I had made. Finally, I received a discouraging message from someone that broke me. And it was only lunchtime.

After realizing a few deep breaths wouldn’t do the trick, I allowed the tears to flow. That’s a stretch…the tears came out uncontrollably. I felt out of place, defeated and heartbroken.

Without any pressing matters to handle, I closed my work and put my focus somewhere else. I called a friend, talked it out and went to the gym. I put my mind on things that didn’t require complex thinking and activities that would help me relieve stress and emotion. Things I wanted to do, not what I had to do.

Reality Check

One important thing I’ve learned is how sleep lays the foundation for everything else physically and mentally. When I experience emotional overload, I tend to either lay awake for hours without being able to fall asleep or sleep for a few hours and suddenly lay awake for two to four hours before sleeping an hour or two before my alarm goes off – broken sleep.

I told myself multiple times I wouldn’t let this emotionally-charging day affect my sleep. Fortunately, it didn’t. (This result takes a lot of practice; it doesn’t just happen overnight – pun intended.)

I woke up the next day still a little bummed but feeling more positive. Regardless of what had happened, my life was still on a good track and I was still happy with the way I handled things.

Then I realized something… I didn’t “drop back down to reality.” I hit a few dips in the road. My understanding that not every day is going to be a great day; my knowing that I am capable of making good decisions; my belief that I am worthy of good things – this is now my reality.

And that’s a reality we all deserve.

I’m not a self-care expert. But I know what it feels like to hate everything around me because I hate myself. I also know what it’s like to FINALLY prioritize my health and well-being.

I know that it’s never too late. And I’m starting to know what it means to love myself.

But damn, it’s hard.