Triggered. “I kindly ask that you not comment on my body.”

This week, Jonah Hill made headlines because he asked for people to not make his body a topic of conversation. A message to his Instagram followers was complete with acknowledgement, understanding and a simple note of it “doesn’t feel good” regardless of the intent.

I can’t do it enough justice when I tell you I felt that with every inch of my soul.

It was so timely for me, because just these past few weeks I have been struggling with this issue myself. And it’s difficult to express in a way that encourages compassion without offending or making others feel as if they’ve done something wrong. Because I know in most of these instances, people are being kind and wanting to offer praise.

Jonah Hill’s Instagram post on October 14, 2021 reads: “I know you mean well but I kindly ask that you not comment on my body good or bad I want to politely let you know it’s not helpful and doesn’t feel good. Much respect.”

I’m being nice. What could go wrong?

It’s natural to want to pay someone a compliment when they lose weight or go through a physical transformation. I believe most people probably want that acknowledgment, so I understand this may not be a common struggle, but it’s still a real thing. A steady amount of chatter regarding (my) appearance stirs up thoughts and emotions and sometimes creates an unintended mental battle.

While I’ve been steadily losing weight and gaining muscle definition for a few months, it was around the 8-week mark when it seemed to be the most noticeable to the most people. I was getting praise and positive recognition left and right for several days. It became overwhelming and frustrating. Everything was in good spirit and with good intent…but I wanted it to stop.

I’ll try to lay out some of my thoughts around why:

• Weight is a hard thing to manage for a lot of people, whether it’s losing or gaining. It’s not as simple as “exercise” or “eat better.” Making it a focal point, whether good or bad, isn’t always helpful.
• Receiving positive feedback when I look a certain way sometimes causes me to think it was wrong for me to look any other way. I don’t like thinking that.
• My weight and/or my physical appearance do not reflect my personality. And it does not define, ultimately, who I am.
• Constant reminders that people are looking at my body and possibly judging me based on the way I look is uncomfortable and frustrating.
• My body is not for you. Whether you like it or not, it’s not for you to approve or disapprove.

Are compliments really a problem?

I know this seems like an uncessary battle. It really is…very unecessary. But it’s an honest part of the body image struggle. I’m also in a unique circumstance where I am now a trainer, and it’s natural for people to hold fitness professionals to a higher standard.

I want to be an example to others, and so I do want to practice what I preach. However, a fitness journey is not always about physical appearance. For a majority of people, there are many, many more layers. Every transformation looks different, and every end goal is not the same.

I do understand I have to manage external expectations with my internal fight for self love, confidence and happiness. But it was nice to see someone else publicly address the same issue I’ve been feeling. Because now I know more people must be fighting this same battle.

How do we solve for this? I truly don’t know. People mean well and when speaking positively, definitely mean no harm. I guess it’s really just about knowing and understanding the person. What is your relationship to them? How and when would they like to receive feedback? How often are you bringing it up? Is it appropriate?

Avoid making the body a point of validity.

The question I mostly find myself asking is…when is it enough? When are people just going to see me and not my body?

Here’s a reflection of this thought to paint it a little more clearly:

I have extended family members I see every once in a while, not regularly. Every time I see some of them I get a reminder that I’m “still looking great.” I went through the biggest part of my weight loss journey more than 6 years ago. When is my weight going to stop being the main thing you see about me? It’s been 6 years; my weight should no longer be a topic of normal conversation, let alone a reference in the way you choose to greet me.

We should be more concerned about someone’s quality of life, internal health and happiness and general well being as opposed to how others feel about their body shape and size.

Have you experienced this struggle? Comment with your thoughts.